Jokes

Man: I could go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: Yes, but would you stay there?
Man: I offer you myself.
Woman: I am sorry I never accept cheap gifts.
Man: I want to share everything with you.
Woman: Let's start from your bank account.

A: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl?
B: It's a girl. She's my daughter.
A: Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I didn't know that you were her father.
B: I'm not. I'm her mother.

Son: Dad, what is an idiot?
Dad: An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and long way that another person who is listening to him can't understand him. Do you understand me?
Son: No.

A: Hey, man! Please call me a taxi.
B: Yes, sir. You are a taxi.

Teacher: Did you father help your with your homework?
Student: No, he did it all by himself.

A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up.
"Wow!," said her father, "That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?"
"Wrong number," replied the girl.

PUPIL: "Would you punish me for something I didn’t do?"
TEACHER:" Of course not."
PUPIL: "Good, because I haven’t done my homework."

When I want to teach the colors, I just ask my students to pretend the phone is ringing and they will answer:
Phone rings: "Green, green!"
They answer: "Yellow?"
They ask: "White?"
They hang up: "Pink!"
While teaching this use your hands pretending you are holding the phone.

Little Johnny: Teacher, can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: Little Johnny, MAY I go to the bathroom?
Little Johnny: But I asked first!

Teacher: Why are you late?
Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill.
Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it?
Student: No. I was standing on it.

Bank Teller: How do you like the money?
English Student: I like it very much.

Customer in a restaurant: I would like to have a plate of rice and a piece of fried chicken and a cup of coffee
Waitress : Is it enough Sir?
Customer : What? Do you think I can't buy more?

"You look very funny wearing that belt."
"I would look even funnier if I didn't wear it."

"I was born in California."
"Which part?"
"All of me."

Teacher: Do you have trouble making decisions?
Student: Well...yes and no.

The teacher to a student: Conjugate the verb "to walk" in simple present.
The student: I walk. You walk ....
The teacher interrupts him: Quicker please.
The student: I run. You run ...